Two separate moments of reading highlighted the importance of transparency with God for me. Time in prayer, time in spiritual disciplines, I have found, lead us to a place where God wants to experience us, and even more, God wants us to experience his presence. The readings shared two thoughts that stem from each other.

Transparency, or full honesty, leads to intimacy which strengthens our relationship with God.The first came yesterday as I was reading Eugene Peterson's
Five Smooth Stones for Pastoral Work. In it he illuminates a crucial stone within
Song of Songs within a biblical foundation for working as a pastor: Intimacy in relationship. The apex of human relational intimacy is found in a marriage, as the
Song of Songs portrays in candidly vulnerable and beautify language. This parallels the divine nature of the relationship God calls us to nurture with Him. Though we can more easily start by speaking of human intimacy to describe divine intimacy, the former (human) finds fulfillment in the latter (divine). Human and divine intimacy can be interwoven as windows offering a view into the realm and possibility of the other. If we understand one, but struggle with the other, we can at least begin to understand the one we struggle with by considering the one we understand already.
Counting the cost, is a way of being transparent, of leading to deeper intimacy with God.
The second came this morning during my devotional time, reading an excerpt of CS Lewis'
Mere Christianity in the
Devotional Classics anthology. Here I read how Christ desires us in full. To follow Christ, it costs our very life. And yet Lewis highlights that this is easy, and quite difficult. It is easy because we simply stop trying to feed our own nature/desires, and follow Christ's. But it is difficult to do so, when we take the easy road of only giving pieces of ourselves, which in reality, makes the easy road of Christ, all the more muddled and frustrating.
The CS Lewis reading ended with a series of questions, the last one being,
"What has it cost you to follow Christ?"I hesitated. It seemed sacrilegious to think about the answers I could write down. It felt selfish, resentful. Or, at least it seemed it could become this way easily.
But then again, if God wants us in full, he wants our honesty, he wants us to come before him and share with him the cost. That's what he asked those listening to him to do in
Luke 14:25-33.It's easy to brush the question off glibly, though with good intentions; "Why worry about the cost when I have gained so much?"
Fair enough. Consider this though:
Think of a "major" possession you own. A car. A house/apartment. A laptop. Who bought it for you, or did you buy it? If someone else bought it for you do you know how much it cost? How much would it cost you to replace it or even maintain it (if it was a gift, or not)?
These questions probe at the cost, because it's a fairly well known fact that if you know how much something you own cost, and even more so if you were the one actually paying for it, you'll be more likely to appreciate it, value it and invest time in it's upkeep.
Does it not make sense then that after considering the cost in your life of following Christ, you may not grow resentful or bitter, but in reality, more appreciative? More motivated to invest in this life? If you have truly experienced the Spirit of Christ in your life, will not knowing the cost also lead back to knowing how much more you have gained, only with a fuller love for it? Will you not be able to share that with "seekers", " the "fainthearted" and the "critics"?
What does this do with transparency with Christ? With intimacy with Christ?
If you are married, you know, or should know, the need for and benefit in being transparent with your spouse. This is the person who knows you more fully: dreams, fears, warts, thoughts and morning breath than anyone else, save God. Intimacy of this sort is only possible when you allow them to see you as you are. When he know your strengths and dreams, he can spur you on. When she knows your struggles and fears, she can be a shelter and a source of help. Bringing full transparency into your entire self leads to intimacy, which hopefully strengthens commitment between the two.
This is so with God. Yes, he knows it all already, but he wants that intentional effort on our end at sharing it with him. He'll not be hurt when we say, "I gave up this to follow you", only willing to show us what he can offer us in its place. When he makes the call to give our whole selves to him, this includes a invitation to bring our emotions, our incomplete understanding. This looks like praying/journaling openly our thoughts:
"God, it seems as if I gave up the ease of discerning my own path in life to follow you, which places me in a position of not always knowing where I'm going or how a decision will turn out. It would be easier to just do it myself. But it is truly better in the long run to follow you by faith, amid unknowing, for I have the assurance you are in control beyond what I could orchestrate myself."We give the burden of the cost back to God after recognizing the value of our life in Him. We can invest more of our selves into it. And God, in seeing our willing heart to invest, remains faithfully there with us. Intimacy has been developed, our commitment strengthened.
I encourage you to try as a devotional for yourself reading the Luke passage above and answering the question. It may be a question you revisit time and again before you get a sense of it being a powerful, useful exercise. Great, let the process draw you to Christ, however long or short it is.
"What has it cost you to follow Christ?"Let your answers be honest.
Maybe certain ones have been a source of some amount of resentment in your relationship with God. In this case, counting the cost includes a confession, which God calls us to do; "Forgive us our debts" we pray.
Although I've spoken of the cost being things we may have wished we'd be able to keep, perhaps your "cost" is something you're glad to pay. Did it following Christ cost you an addiction, and thus saved you from a painful life? Did it cost you lifestyle of greed, indulgence and selfishness?
These are equally valid costs and it is good to celebrate the "loss" of those things to the greater gifts God offers.
Let yourself experience emotions/thoughts if they start come. Talk/journal to God about what you feel or think as you count the cost.
Now that you have opened yourself to God so honestly, how do you sense God's response? Has he offered a new thought in response? Has he entered into your emotions? Has he given you new perspective on the cost?
What you've gained from following Christ? How has it outweight, fulfilled the cost of what you had before?
Think now how God can use you as a blessing to others as a result of deeper intimacy with him? After knowing the cost and gain of following Christ?
Amen.